I am not a follower. When the crowd moves in one direction, I will either go in a different direction or hang back to observe. It is the same when reading self-help books. I will not blindly follow what I am being told to do. Just because someone is considered an expert or guru, does not mean I have to follow their methods of self discovery. I have this habit of taking bits of information from different sources and transforming them into a system that works for me. I get flack for it at times from friends and acquaintances. To practice something that does not feel wholly me, is a waste of my time.
I have been told I should go to a meditation group or retreat. I have been told I should go see a shaman to find out things about myself that I have not yet discovered. I have absolutely no interest in doing either of those things. I am a loner. I like to work in my own way and my own time. I find I get overwhelmed with the energy and vibrations of others when in a group or crowd. Plus, I believe the answers I am looking for are already inside me. I do not need to seek them from the outside.
I am in no way saying that these gurus, shamans, and teachers are fakes or frauds. I believe, for the most part, that they are servicing a need that many people want and seek out. I just happen not to be one of those people. I am okay with that. I like the view from where I stand. It is with this attitude that I produce my artwork.
The satisfaction of self discovery is not to be taken lightly. It is a profound event. One that can be life changing. It gives us a broader awareness of the choices we have and the power to move in a different direction, if we choose to do so. However, it is not always easy to make those changes in ourselves. As a matter of fact, it can be down right hard and chaotic. If you find yourself lost and wondering if you will ever get on solid ground, know that you are in that perfect place for transformation. It is there that revelations about ourselves are found. It is there that light shines on us from an unknown source. Once we become aware of it, the unknown becomes the known and we wonder how we could have been unaware of this source of information. Suddenly, we find ourselves once again on solid ground with many options from which to choose. Now, with this new-found knowledge, the only thing left to do is make a choice and move in that direction.
I started this blog in part because I recently found myself in a place of turmoil and confusion. I felt as if I were being pulled under and drowning in a tidal wave of emotions that I had never experienced before. I knew I was treading on unstable ground. I also knew if I did not face these emotions and continue to move through them, I would never make it to the other side. It was in this state of mind that I realized I had the power and the confidence to take those steps that fear had kept me from taking. I now have plans to move further down this path I currently find myself on. I now feel I am once again on solid ground. I now know I can do more with my work than I thought prior to facing my fears. This is just the beginning and I am excited to see where I will be in one year… five years… ten years. For the first time in my life I feel that I have a purpose and can live my potential. I do not think I would be here, in this place of creative discovery, if I had followed what others said I should do or be. Only by forging my own path, my own way, have I begun to discover who I am and I would not have it any other way.
angellabstracts 